Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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