hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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