I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
