I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
