my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize