i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
