so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
