why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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