glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
