they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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