Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
