just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
