I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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