My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
