that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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