Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
