woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
