so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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