I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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