his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
