I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
