Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
