Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Randomize
