I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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