Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
