We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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