Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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