Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize