Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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