I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
