My nipple is on Facebook.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
