Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
