A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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