i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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