she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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