This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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