whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
