Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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