there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
