I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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