those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
