My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
