Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
