She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
