And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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