I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
