Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
