enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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