We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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