I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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