u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
