he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
