he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
