So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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