How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
