My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
