you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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