just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize