I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
