dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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