he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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