is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
