So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize