Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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