Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
