I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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