I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's shark week go big or go home
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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