Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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