Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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