dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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