i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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