How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
