If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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