Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
