At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
