I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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