im drinking this country out of the recession.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
