Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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