Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
