i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
