Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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