I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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