I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
