Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
